SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO GIGGLE

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The Obscene Clone

A pastor’s church was getting far too large for him to handle all of the duties required of him so he made a clone of himself. All was going very well, he could be in two hospitals at the same time praying for sick people, attend two different meetings at the same time, this was his answer for his busy life.

Suddenly, something went wrong with the genetics of the clone. The genes went crazy and the cloned preacher’s personality changed. He started flirting with all of the women, even making passes at them; cussing at drivers who cut him off in traffic; and making obscene gestures to people. Obviously, this concerned the pastor so he and the clone took off and went to the Space Needle in Seattle, ate lunch in the restaurant there, and enjoyed the view from the lookout deck.

While the clone was looking out at the skyline of the city through a mounted telescope, the pastor pushed him over the side and that was the end of the clone. When the pastor went to leave the lobby of the Space Needle there was a large crowd that had gathered. As the pastor tried to make his way through, the police stopped him and placed him under arrest.

Under arrest?” the pastor asked, “What’s the charge?”

The officer replied, “For making an obscene clone fall.”

(Original source unknown)

 

 They Died

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Billy was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young boy of eight had been staring at the plaque for quite a while, so the pastor walked up and stood next to him and gazed up at the plaque with him and quietly said, “Good morning son.”

Good morning pastor,” Billy replied without taking his eyes off of the plaque. “Sir, what is this?” he asked.

Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service. It’s in memory of them,” replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque.

Little Billy’s voice broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 9:00 am or the 10:30 am?”

(Original source unknown)

 

Give Me a Break

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when all of the sudden his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high up in the air. Then, the monster opened its mouth to swallow them both whole.

As the atheist flipped head over heels in the air, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help me!”

Immediately the scene of this vicious attack froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air a loud, booming voice came down from the heavens and said, “I thought you didn’t believe in Me!”

Come on God, give me a break!” the man begged. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!”

(Original source unknown)

 

One Last Wish

There was a bus full of only ugly people, very ugly people, driving along the highway when it crashed into an oncoming semi-truck and everyone inside died. When they go up to meet their Maker, because of the tremendous grief they had experienced, He decided to grant them one wish each before they entered into Heaven.

They’re all lined up and God asked the first one what their wish was. “I want to be gorgeous” she said. So, God snaps His fingers and she was beautiful. The second one in line heard this and said, “ I want to be gorgeous too.” Another snap of God’s fingers and the wish was granted.

This went on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God got halfway down the line, the very last guy in line started laughing. When there were only ten people left, this guy was laughing even harder, when there was only five people left he was laughing so hard he was rolling around on the floor.

Finally, God reached this last guy and asked him what his wish was. The guy eventually calms down enough to answer and says, “Make them all ugly again.”

(Original source unknown)

 

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