One: “Scrub-a-dub-dub”

Make sure you shower before a bedroom session with your wife. I promise they will appreciate it. Make sure you clean your “equipment.” Brush your teeth as well, you want to keep that breath fresh for her as much as for yourself. Also, shave your face. However your wife likes your face: smooth, stubble, or full beard, trim your facial hair to her desires.

Romans 12:1, “Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship (NIV).

Did you catch that? Preparing yourself hygienically for your spouse is, in part, a spiritual act of worship to God. Of course worship is made up of much more than that, but it certainly includes that. By keeping yourself physically clean and refreshed, for you and your spouse, you are also performing a “spiritual act of worship” to God. You are taking care of the body God gave you.


Two: Don’t be a selfish lover

Place your focus on your wife. This should be done outside of the bedroom as well, but it is particularly important in the bedroom. Do not take the lazy way out, do not just do the minimal amount possible. And, do not just roll over and fall asleep once you have completed your “task.” Be sure your wife has also completed her “task,” or is at least satisfied with the experience.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (NIV).

The point is, true love is characterized by generosity, which seeks to give and not take for oneself, which makes it the very opposite of selfishness.


Three: Disrobe her gently

This is a great act of intimacy and romance, but remember that women’s clothes are usually not cheap, so take it slow and easy. This also helps build up to, or heighten, the experience.

Colossians 3:19, “Husbands love your wives and be gentle with them” (CEV).

It is obvious this passage is not speaking directly to disrobing one’s wife, but it is instructing husbands to be gentle with their wives in every aspect. Being gentle with the wife in the bedroom would definitely fall into that category.

Four: Don’t neglect foreplay

Foreplay is significant in developing intimacy and is especially important for women. Sexual intimacy takes place long before you enter the bedroom. Compliment her, be affectionate with her, treat her like a lady, perform random acts of kindness throughout the day, and show your affection with physical touch during the day.

Ephesians 5:25, 28, Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives… He who loves his wife loves himself(NIV).

We can show love for ourselves, as we should, by setting aside our desires and meeting the desires of our wives. In loving our wives sacrificially, we show love for ourselves.

Erwin R. McManus wrote about love and intimacy in his book, Soul Cravings: “We are most alive when we find it, most devastated when we lose it, most empty when we give up on it, most inhuman when we betray it, and most passionate when we pursue it.”

Five: Communicate openly

Be gentle in your communication with your wife, and be respectful of her feelings. Be open and honest with her. Ask her what she likes and what she dislikes. Establish the proper mood by speaking the appropriate words. Compliment her. Do not just compliment her to “gain points,” compliment her because you mean it. Women love compliments and they deserve to be complimented. Make sure in your communication with your wife that you keep in mind James 1:19, “Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow tospeak, slow to anger;” (ESV).

Proverbs 16:24, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (NET).

Six: Put all of your focus on your wife

Give her your full attention. Turn of the TV, turn off the sound on your cell and place it somewhere you cannot see it, turn off the computer, turn off the ringer to the house phone (and do not answer it if you forget to do so), basically…remove any and all possible distractions. Put all of your energy and focus on your wife. Compliment her body, tell her specific things you enjoy about her appearance. Many women struggle with their self-image, it is comforting for her to know you appreciate her appearance. Give her praise and show her she is valued and is the center of your life.

Proverbs 31:10-12, 25-26, 28, A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth farmorethan rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value [because he has her].Shebrings him good and not harm all the days of her life…She isclothed with strength and dignity;she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks withwisdom and faithful instruction is on hertongue…Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” (NIV).

Seven: Don’t destroy the ending

Once you have achieved the ending portion of your physical satisfaction (if you know what I mean), do not ruin it for her. Do not just jump right out of bed the moment the “activity” is over. This can often times cause your wife to feel as though she is just a vessel meant for your pleasure. Lay there with her, cuddle with her, let her know you care about her much deeper than just your intimate physical encounters. Respect her feelings.

A couple of reminders from 1 Corinthians 13 (which was listed above under tip number two) is appropriate also to reinforce this seventh point.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5, “Love is patient, love is kind…it is not self-seeking…”.

In closing, here are a few more passages that give guidance to husbands on how to properly treat their wives:

Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gavehimself up for her” (NIV).

Christ loved the church so much that He sacrificed Himself for her, husbands should be willing to do the same for their wives. Husbands, sacrifice yourselves, your time, your needs and your desires for your wife. Also, Christ’s love for His church had no limits, keep that in mind.

1 Peter 3:7a, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, andtreat them with respect…” (NIV).

1 Corinthians 7:3a, 4b, 5a, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife…thehusband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive eachother…”.

May God bless the believers marriage in all areas, including in the bedroom.


By Rev. Jeff Hagan, (ThD), MA, MCC

Copyright 2013 Jeffrey D. Hagan. All rights reserved.




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